Written before blogging was big.
My thoughts, my feelings my life.
I'm 31 now- this is me, as a kid.
April 13, 2005
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Bangin My Tai Chi Professor
So if you have been reading my blog you know that back in January I said I would end up going out with my Tai Chi teacher. Well I do what I say. Even if sometimes I regret the living fuck out of it. ( Warning: this blog is petty and vulgar and every goddamn word is true)
Now I dont want to judge the entire nation of China based on my experience with this woman, but after hanging out with this crazy bitch for three weeks, I can promise I will never date another native Chinese girl - I might not even date a girl who isnt an American from here on out. God Bless the USA. What am I rambling about??? Here goes………
Fuck (Name Deleted). Fuck her in her stupid ass. I have never seen a chick go so nuts so fast. I hope it is the difference in cultures because right now I have serious doubts about the sanity of the female gender in general. First off, let me just say that it is against the university’s policy for teachers to be physically involved with students - it might cause trouble…. AMEN to that shit….that is a policy that should be strictly enforced because I am sweating bullets that this crazy bitch is going to fail me after our relationship ended…..My only hope is that someone will read this blog and some how get her sorry ass sent back to China….So anyway how it all started, I invited her to my birthday party back in mid March (I’ll tell you all about that in a blog really soon)…well in retrospect, inviting her was a big mistake…..but at first she seemed really nice - quiet, polite, reserved, chinese, sane……yeah right….shes chinese, but that’s about it……well after the party I asked her if she would like to hang out sometime….I still had a mission of getting a date with her as per my previous blog…that was on Monday..we were in bed together by Wednesday, and by Friday she was moving shit into my apartment and talking about I love you….RED FLAG!…….then came the massive mood swings, the bitching, the whining, oh, and she likes to talk shit too, in fact 9 out 10 things she said to me were some smart ass or underhanded shit….this is normally shit you see from a crazy American chick around the 3rd or 4th month of a fucked up relationship, but I had a full blown case of crazy bitch in about 10 days….I couldnt really just tell her to go fuck herself because, well because she was my teacher, and I am trying to graduate…..she would tell me all the time ” Oh you dont have to go to class, I’ll give you an A” blah blah blah, but that all changed as soon as our relationship was over……Well my fraternity was having some parties around the beginning of April and I told her that I needed some space and some time to hang out with my friends -a reasonable request considering I dont think Id spent more than a day away from this psycho since we first hooked up…..apparently in Asian cultures there is no concept of privacy - at least thats what she kept saying…well hows this blog for no privacy, bitch?…so its Friday night and Ive finally managed to get away from this nut for the night. I caught a ride out to Collegedale with a friend to have drinks at another friends house when my cell rings - its the BeanStalker….”I hurt my ankle, can you come?”…..fucking high school shit…..”Nope”…”Fine, I think we should not be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.”….”Ok”……..I told her that Id been drinking and that I thought it would be better to talk about this the next morning……my phone starts blowing up at around 6:30am…..( Name Deleted) is walking to my house to get her stuff……that worked out great…I ended up piling all her crap into my car…in three weeks she had carted a whole car load of shit over to my apartment!….I hadnt really noticed, but she always carries this backpack with her and she was sneakin her shit, little by little, into my place……I will say this, she took all her shit - down to the bananas on the kithcen counter, and gave me all my shit back….and the only really fucked up shit she did was kick my car, try to slap me, and kick me in the leg a few times…but anyway since then she has called me a hundred times and I can honestly say that I have never regretted a relationship more than this 3 week fiasco( Im sure she has her own side to this story, but fuck her side of this story - this is my blog)…..so to sum up, Fuck You Crazy Tai Chi Teacher…go back to crazyville where youre crazy ass came from..
Love,
BeanPS - I got an A in the class so maybe we can be friends one day….probably not, but maybe…..Ive also reconsidered and taken her name out of the blog. My evil only goes so far I guess…….anyone who knows me can find out who she is quick enough…..
February 27, 2005
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BAM A LAM
Well baby Ive been drinkin….. since least half past three. & bless my soul, I know.. I aint never done a thing U aint never seen. So I quess 2 me I’ll scream and sing…. call it drifters holiday……word
So since the last time Ive blogged Ive seen the Kings of Leon in Nashville and still welcomed them to Tennessee…..theyre from Tennessee….what the fuck do I know about the Kings?……..not a goddamn thing……….Oh and the singers sisters had a birthday and they were out of whiskey…I faked it and now…Im wasted as I write this……what more can I say? Happy Fucking Saturday…….~Love Bean
January 29, 2005
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Untitled Weekend
I havent even mentioned my weekend in Athens. My friends and I were supposed to meet with Jenn at the Globe at 3:30 on Saturday. We drank until 8am Saturday morning. We were on the road to Georgia by 1. As it happens, We got to town 3 hours behind the party, it also happens that the show was sold out. So what do you do? We got a beer. TheFriend and I went to Parkway the night before at around 2 when we got back to town. I left KKs as he was going downtown to head to PBurg to visit with my mom, meet TheFriend and wait for KingKyle and Dub to get in from Nashville from the Modest Mouse show…..they got in at 5am….I was power napping. Its Saturday that’s important in this story. I highly suggest you procure this set of DBT…..you may do so at ninebullets.org…it is the 1/22/05 show at the 40 Watt…..and may be worth your time to get. I was the drunk guy in the Tennessee Hat, but I was representing for TheFriend and KingKyle……we only found 2 tickets and they sent me and Dub to party for the crew. (imagine that) So party we did. IF you hear any panther like screams on the track - thats probably me - if you hear any drunk fuckers on the track - yeah thats probably me too. Some girl with Dark eyes in the crowd, total ROWYCO - where was the afterparty? But I did get to talk to Adam from Southern Bitch for a minute and I did get to throw a piece sign on camera and Rock with Kind, so yeah, I had a good time - I think Dub did 2. and I called KingKyle and TheFriend about 10 times to try to talk them into coming down the 2 blocks from the Days to the 40, but they were too tired from barhopping and riding and the night before I guess, whatever, I think we could have gotten them in, and anyway, I dropped an atomic elbow on Kyle that night, yeah, and he slammed me against the wall - it was worth it…you can’t hurt steel bitch & I havent laughed that hard on a road trip in a minute…………oh and the Thursday before I quit my job, I was in a Chinese resturant eating lunch and my fortune cookie said “I’ll tell you later - Im too stoned to remember right now”
~Love,
Bean
January 27, 2005
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FEE
So Friday I quit my job……you may have wondered why I havent been online bringing you my usual brand of good natured banter….well I havent been online until just now…..I worked at this insurance company in downtown Chattanooga for the last five years….Ive been over it for the last 2……talking to random people about insurance is about as fun as punching yourself in the balls……..so one day I got this really dumb fuck on the phone and at some point in our conversation I said “Jesus Christ” under my breathe(I’ll admit I probably should have handled it a bit better, but Jesus Christ, talking to this guy was like bashing my head against a wall….he’s lucky all he got was JC)….and management recorded it……Last Friday my boss tells me that I have to start having weekly reviews yadayadayada to make sure Im on track so I said…Id like to turn in my 2 week notice…..In retrospect, I realize I’d grown out of the job at least a year or more before, and as at part time there was no moving up the ladder, I just said Fuck It…..So Im in the market for a new job….since Ive been 18 Ive only not worked for about 2 months total ……..this is boring me
January 20, 2005
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PHI
So last night I was buying pints at the Mr Zip across the bridge from my apartment and I was talking to the chick behind the counter about her beating her old man’s ass…she said the scrapes on her hand still itched like crazy and this old bald guy chimes in talking about Boudreaux’s Butt Paste …its made by some doctor in Louisiana or some shit and is supposed to be this miracle diaper rash/ general itch cream…..the chick freaks out …she’s all like ” thats not funny! - thats not even in the same ballpark as funny - my last name is Boudreaux”……I beg to differ - that is funny…if you looked up funny in the dictionary that shit would be listed….and look at it this way - you have a Butt Paste named after you….how many people can say that?…just thought Id share…Anyway, I gave some blue jeans to goodwill today, bought a canvas, a brush and some paint….for a rainy day I guess…. Rhythm & Brews said that there was no way that I could have my party there, apparently they think they’ll do more business the Friday after St Pats Day without my party being there or maybe they just dont want to donate the door to charity, so Im going to get in touch with Lamars to see if we can do it there. Im still not sure exactly what charity I want to donate to…..my friends said donate it to SaveTheReefers, but Im thinking something local would be better….Maybe RockForDemocracy or MoveOn or some shit like that…… I have a new neighbor - some girl I havent met yet. Oh and on my way to lunch my partner called to let me know that we lost out on 10 grand in the stock market today by selling some penny stock a year ago….isnt that special……thanks partner…Im drinking tonight…….oh and I called it - Dub is taking “that girl” to the Modest Mouse show on Friday……I often wonder if these amazing powers of perception I have are a gift or a curse….I guess I’ll just fake it here in town Friday - I dont feel like driving to Nashville for a maybe…..but we are all set for Athens on Saturday and Ive been in touch with some folks close to the band and we may get to party with them before the show - apparently pregnant wives and early studio hours keep them from staying out late these days….the old pregnant wives and early studio hours excuss…….whats a rocknroll band for if not to get wasted??? I party harder than most rock stars…..so where is my angel investor who recognizes that to be this productive given this much substance abuse is a sign of real genius???? I guess I’ll have a drink while I wait then……Oh and I talked to my ex fiance for the first time in a couple of months yesterday…she seems to be doing great and good for her - she has been seeing someone for the last 6 months and they are looking for a house together - poor stupid bastard - may God have mercy on his soul….Thats it for today.
January 19, 2005
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FOE
Hey Alright. Last night was weird. So after work I run by the store to get some shit and while Im in the store I decide I’ll call my boy Dub to make sure is isnt planning on pussing out on going to Athens this weekend to see The Drive By Truckers…..if you’ve never heard DBT you should stop reading this and go out and buy one of their albums right now….they will give you a great idea of what it was like to grow up in the rural American South 20 years ago…these days its just like anywhere else - strip malls and corporate America selling plastic puke in 5 low carb flavors, but back then it was something special…we used to have horse farms now we have Wal-Marts…….anyway… Dub was indeed planning on pussing out, but I think I impressed upon him how great my need to get the hell out of Chattanooga and see some good music with sane people was and in the end he invited me up to Nashville Friday night to see the Modest Mouse show…Im not 100
January 18, 2005
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F. U. M.
Warning: This Blog Entry contains little of my usual humor, in fact, its pretty much me bitching alot, and there is a poem….you’ve been warned…..I’ll try to have something good to say tomorrow, but for now I think the best way to start this entry out is by saying………
FUCK….does that word bother you? well if it does - you are in the wrong place friend….I say what I want, and it isnt all rose colored, and it’s usually fuck or shit or some other thing you shouldnt say in daylight……but I bet that I have a better heart than half the heads on here and possibly a bigger dick too…..anyway Im pissed because I lost some inspiration today….so I guess fuck me, so I guess fuck you too, M…..anyway I feel better now…….
That said, here is another poem I wrote. Hope you like it…its called Hallelujah:
Hallelujah!
When you find the one you truly love.
Hallelujah!
When both hearts feel the same.
Hallelujah!
When you can finally stop pretending
Hallelujah!
When you can rise above the game.
One of these days I’ll find someone who engages me mentally, turns the heat up to 420 physically, and keeps me happy in the moment…….till then Im just gonna go around saying FUCK alot I guess…..Grrrrr……Fuck……..
So yeah, Im in a bit of a fucking bad mood this afternoon, but it will pass, Ive got too much going on to stay down for long…….For example…I had a good idea this afternoon when I got up…..If Im going to do this Birthday Bash thing, I thought it would be a better idea to donate all the money from the thing to charity - As some of you know, gathering together to celebrate my greatness is more than enough reason for a party, but for those who are nonbelievers (read: those I havent slept with yet - lol - Im such a cock huh? -no fucking wonder Im still single) I thought it might be nice to give you another reason to come out and party….so Im currently thinking about what charity Id like to donate to…suggestions are welcome…..Plus, this way, the bands that agree to play will get some valuable positive press, and not feel bad about not making a bunch of dough from the show - its a win win - and Im all about the win win………. Im going to go sulk now - FUCK YOU CHATTANOOGA - stay classy…….
January 17, 2005
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MiddleCreek Black Betty BarHopping Weekend
When life gives you lemons - make lemonade, then mix in with 80 proof liquor…..this was a great weekend…….Neither of my boys that I thought were going to come in town actually made it in, but like I said, Im a soldier….so when its Friday night and you have no plans what should you do?……Me, I just go get fucked up….Diddy and Dewayne both had paychecks that were burning holes in their pockets and Im doing ok right now so we decided to bar hop a little…here is the Friday night line up….we had a couple of rounds at Sticky Fingers downtown…..saw a cutie that works at Aretha Frankensteins, but didnt actually get to talk to her…..then we walked through Jacks Alley and had a pitcher from Taco Mac…..then we stopped by Lamars -saw one of the hot Redheads - she gave me no play - so I guess that shit is a lost cause for now…..I ordered a long island ice tea and I swear to god I watched him pour 11 shots into this fucking drink…..some girl was like “oh my God how much does that drink cost…..$8 $2 tip………..$1 a shot is always worth my time….saw RockNRach and the Arethas girl at Lamars…hmmm, probably should have talked to her at this point, but didnt….then we went down to Big River……saw surfer Shawn, Boner, BeththeBuilder and MJ…..oh and Boogie was there with her girls….I bought Boogie and her Best girl drinks and told the server to tell them it was from Bean when they sent the drinks over…..instead she told them it was from Ben - her crazy ex….thanks Big River - could you have fucked up more? - no you could not have….maybe if you had brought her the drink and said - “Yeah we pissed in this before we brought it to you”….I guess that might have made her feel worse, but probably not……..Then we went to the Electric Cowboy……I could feel my IQ lower as I walked in the door…….I saw my old friend Crystal working the door, but I still had to pay - thanks alot old friend….and I saw Diddy get thrown from a mechanical bull while wearing dress slacks and a white button up…….dont ask………oh and Boogie was there too…..I had to borrow a line from my boy Van Wilder…”Are you stalking me? Because that would be awesome”……..she was leaving………after we left there we had to head back downtown to my truck…Dewayne said he would stop by my place when he got to his car, and I said I’d stop at the Mr Zip for beer….that flaming homo (and I could care less that he is gay) with the fucking mange seriously needs to be shot……he wouldnt sell me beer at 3:05 when I was standing in line for over 5 minutes….so no problem…….well actually this sent me into a complete fit of rage…..sorry neighbors…topped off by the fact that I realized I had left my cell in the back of Diddys jeep……so what do I do? Do I just go to bed because I know I have Tai Ji class first thing the next morning or do I calmly think to myself that the cell phone will be no problem to find the next morning?….hardly….First, I call 911……I open the conversation with the 911 operator by saying “there is no emergency….I just need to be connected to another operator so I can place a call”…..The dude was like, “Sir, you realize this is the 911 line and that it is reserved for emergency use only dont you?…..to which I responded “Yes, I realize that, but my line says I can only use this phone to call 911 and I need to make another call, but there is no emergency really”….he disconnected the call….I thought about calling back, but decided a better idea would be to get in my truck and drive back to the Mr Zip and harrass the MangeFlamer about the whole matter…..first I stopped at a payphone and cussed Diddy out on his voicemail over me forgetting my phone in his car….he didnt get it until later the next afternoon - I really dont remember doing it……..MangeFlamer still wouldnt sell me beer……so I went home and passed out…….Tai Ji class was awesome the next morning….the Drunken Master was there with bells on….I was actually up 2 hours before the class…showered, stopped by Diddys and found my phone…..listened the the belligerent messages I had left for “Mr Phone Thief” and for Diddy the night before, then stopped by Aretha Frankenstein’s for breakfast…it was at this point that I realized that the cute girl Id seen all around town the night before worked there…….still didnt really talk to her that much…….after Tai Ji, KK and I went hiking out near Middle Creek….great fun - the creek was up and the waterfalls and whirlpools were amazing, plus my balance was really in tune thanks to Tai Ji so I was bouncing around on the rocks with ease…..good energy topped off by Shuffords BBQ at the bottom of the mountain……..at this point Im pumped….Hotleys Birthday party is later in the evening and Im in a great mood…..I’ve down some outdoor shit, found my phone, and made it to Tai Ji class on time….Im on a roll…then Diddy called and let me hear the message Id left him the night before….Im hoping that the Valium and massive amounts of alchohol that Id drank the night before contributed to the slurred belligerence of the message, but it was still pretty awful…….it really bummed me out because there was no good cause in it at all, and I thought it might have spoiled Diddys day……but we talked it out, after he stopped cussing, and I explained that I didnt really have any maleficent intent when I left the message,….. that I was just probably just slurring and furious, oh and I appologized a few times too…..I felt better after Id gotten that straightened out and decided to go to Hotleys party to see what kind of trouble I could get into at the Skybox Saturday night….KK and Rosstafari were down to ride though they were a bit hesitant to check out the Skybox…I think the words Brainerd and divebar kinda freaked them out……but when we got there they were converted into believers….the crowd was hot….I like going to bars and actually seeing hot girls…if Im at a party and there are no hot girls I usually leave after I finish the first drink……in addition to the hot girls I met Jason - a fellow MySpacer, bought the owner a shot, and met the second band…Black Betty - why havent I heard of these guys before? They were full on kick ass rocknroll….I met the singers sister in the crowd and got her numbers….I told them about the Birthday Bash and she seemed all about it…so did their manager…Im going to call them both after work tonight and see about hanging out or catching their next show….I also got the first bands contact info, but as I havent actually heard them I doubt I’ll give them a call……I should throw in another bit of props for Black Betty - I really liked that band, their drummer is bad ass and Josh was cutting up the guitar……so check them out if you get a chance…….Sunday I caught up on laundry and went to visit my mom in Pburg…..TheFriend stopped by and we ended up drinking a pint of vodka and a 12 pack……..sooner or later I should probably start to study for this semester……………all in good time…..still a totally good weekend - I didnt even get in a fist fight……….hope you had a good time too….
~Bean
January 14, 2005
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Callin All Bands
So I didnt have the sand to make it to 25cent beer night - plus I couldnt find a wingman to ride with me…..I had expected my boy Diddy to ride out with me, but when I got out of work and called his cell he was at an O.C. party?? I couldnt believe this…..Apparently, in this very city, there are groups of 20 somethings that gather together and watch - without speaking - the OC every Thursday at 8pm….Fuck that shit - go get drunk like normal people…..so while I was waiting for the OC to go off so I could go drink, I decided to stop by the resturant next door to my apartment…..there was a cute blonde from Sweden or some shit working the counter….but I swear to god the last couple of times Ive eaten at the UPD Ive felt like complete shit afterwards…maybe I just eat too damn much…..maybe he trys to poison all infidels….who knows…anyway I didnt end up going to 25cent beer night…I ended up chilling and bullshitting with BigKyle, but during this torrent of BS I had a really good idea - that seems to be snowballing into something that might end up being pretty fucking cool….ok UTC spring break is March 7-11 right? my birthday is the following Friday - the 18th….for those of you who follow the live band (jamband) scene the week of the 7-11 is packed but there is not a damn thing going on the following Friday….. I thought it might be nice to throw a party for a change….I havent thrown a birthday party since I was 22…that was a catered 2 keg deal that turned out really nicely, but I sort of lost the taste for it while I was active in Phi Delt because for one I was helping plan those parties and for two I was partying everyday…..but these days - as you can see - I tend to take it pretty easy - drinks with friends for the most part with the occasional show here and there……but back to my idea…I have friends close to a couple of local bands - Hahn and The Hopsing Project….I thought it would be nice to get them to play that Friday for my birthday - maybe even get bigger…I bet that by March I could have an all day thing set up somewhere - maybe the Pavillion or some shit…..I dont care about making any cash per say - Id be cool with all the shit getting covered and everyone having a good time…….I wonder if we could swing invite only??????? So if any of you know a band that might want to do a benefit birthday show….call it Bean’s Birthday Bash…fucking call it what you want to if you know a band that might want to come play….hit me up….If they dont suck maybe we can work something out….at the least Im going to try and get 3 bands……….As for this weekend……Well it looks like Dub is going to be a little bitch this weekend - it happens - and BK doesnt have a ride - so I may be solo…No plans for tonight - I’ll manage, Im a soldier…..Have a great weekend people. Drink one for ya boy Bean…..I’ll get back with you on Monday…….Peace
January 13, 2005
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Wicked Awesome
Well last night was productive - First I got shithouse drunk…I picked up 12 pints of PBR and went over to St Elmo to this cool old house to hang out with WickedAwesome, Ken and Barbie….very cool people…They helped me scan in some pictures of myself - Thanks……we all sat around and talked, they showed me this awesome wall mural they are making with pictures of their friends and family, random art and photos - I left the picture of the Tree and the Mountain Stream taped to the wall…..Barbie also showed me some old stuff she had found up in the attic - cool shit from the 1940’s and whatnot…..Ken let me check out some pictures of him in his Rico Suave mode with long hair……then Ken and Barbie - by the way they met online, and from what I could tell, seem to have a really cool relationship - isnt that nice? anyway they left to go screw or something of the sort so Wicked and I stayed up getting stoned and drinking, watching pirated movies and listening to pirated music……then I went upstairs and completly fucked up the house computer - sorry about that……Wicked is soo cool. I dont think I have laughed that much in months -Have you ever been around someone that makes you laugh so much your stomach hurts - Wicked and I have a crazy relationship like that….she is rock n roll………TheFriend called me 7 fucking times in 2 hours last night…his voice mails started out cordial and decended into rants of redneck curses about my service provider - I think the cell was a mistake……….Sorry to the neighbors of that house - Wicked and I were sitting outside late night and I was making noises that were sad attempts at Chewbakka from Star Wars noises - I dont remember why I was making Chewy noises but I can tell you that if Id been trying to immitate Chewbakka shit drunk with a upper respitory infection I would have nailed that shit……..I had to go inside I was laughing so hard….Since Ken and Barb didnt come home when Wicked went to bed I felt obliged to sleep on the couch…There are young ones in the house and while I felt that Wicked and Barbie could handle most any problem I didnt want to leave the place with only 1 adult and an unlocked door………I think Wicked did some white magic on me too…I found a little white string tucked into my shirt pocket while I was pissing -she also told me that she would see to it that every hair on my head fell out if I didnt return a movie she let me borrow….I told her to make sure that none of it fell out if I did bring it back -so I got that going for me - the mention of magic didnt bother me….Witchy places dont bother me - Snobby places do…Im strange like that….Great night - good people - cold beer - great house -art -laughs - smoke - magic and the couch….Happy Wednesday. Tonight is 25cent beer night!
